Ten

The AP Stylebook’s numbers rule says to spell out numbers nine and below, and to use numerals for numbers 10 and above.

RJ turned 10 today. It’s simpler to jot down the numeral 10 than to spell out T-E-N. Writing his age is easy now—but as his age grows, do our lives as parents get easier? Should they?

Dave parked the car by the curb to pick us up from the hospital. We carefully placed our newborn into the car seat. RJ looked even tinier than I had imagined, buckled into a five-point harness. I remember worrying, How is this going to support his little body and floppy head? Dave drove more carefully than usual—slower, quieter.

That was our first car ride home together, 10 years ago. Little did I know how many more miles we would log over the years—and how we’d continue counting.

The baby stage was filled with chaos as first-time parents. Dave and I were both on antidepressants for months. Endless nursing through the night and constant baby needs filled every minute of our days. It was exhausting: constantly cleaning up the mess—in our rooms and in our heads—and continuously searching for a sense of self.

I started writing blogs about motherhood shortly after RJ was born. They are filled with records of his milestones, alongside my experiences, thoughts, joy, and struggles as a mom. Every single day brought a fresh challenge.

I like things planned out and well organized. Give me defined rules and procedures to follow, and I usually exceed expectations. It’s what I’ve done best at school, at work, at home—throughout my life. That is, until motherhood began. It came without an instruction manual. It has been a trial-and-error-as-I-go process ever since. New challenges always appear just when I think I’ve figured things out. No matter the stage, no challenge is easier than another. They’re all hard.

As RJ leaves his single digits behind, I know that one day all the hard stuff will be over—and it will become our most precious memories. The joy of watching him grow is deeply satisfying, even delightful. As his mom, it’s incredibly special that I get to witness the small moments of his childhood that no one else can.

I’m grateful for the technology revolution—and for the iPhone. Moments that would otherwise slip through the cracks of time, insignificant in a world that rushes everything, are captured and stored in iCloud. Every time I scroll through my camera roll, I smile—and I feel like that parent again, holding my newborn baby in my arms.

Our lives won’t get any easier than writing the numeral 10—a two-digit number that represents ten years of life and countless precious moments. But I welcome all the challenges ahead. There is nothing that makes me more elated than the little world we have made together.

Happy 10th birthday, my love.